Two dog owners were bragging about the intelligence of their pets.

“The brightest dog I ever had,” said one, “was a Great Dane that could play cards. He was a whiz at poker, but I had him put to sleep.”

“You had him put to sleep, a bright dog like that? A dog like that would be worth a million dollars.”

“Had to,” he replied, “Caught him using marked cards!”

Two bored dealers are waiting around for someone to walk up and try their luck at the craps table. A very attractive lady comes in and wants to bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. The dealers agree.

She says, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m half naked.” With that she strips naked from the waist down, and rolls the dice while yelling, “Momma needs a new pair of pants!” She then begins jumping up and down and hugging each of the dealers.

“YES! I WIN! I WIN!” With that she picks up her money and clothes and quickly leaves.

The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asks, “What did she roll anyway?” The other answers, “I don’t know. I thought YOU were watching the dice!”

A group from Chicago spent a weekend gambling in Las Vegas. One of the men on that trip won $100,000. He didn’t want anyone to know about it, so he decided not to return with the others, but took a later plane home - arriving back 3 a.m. He immediately went out to the backyard of his house, dug a hole and planted the money in it. The following morning he walked outside and found only an empty hole. He noticed footsteps leading from the hole to the house next door, which was owned by a deaf-mute. On the same street lived a professor who understood sign language and was a friend of the deaf man. Grabbing his pistol, the enraged man went to awaken the professor and dragged him to the deaf man’s house. “You tell this guy that if he doesn’t give me back my $100,000 I’m going to kill him!” he screamed at the professor. The professor conveyed the message to his friend, and his friend replied in sign language, “I hid it in my backyard, underneath the cherry tree.”

The professor turned to the man with the gun and said, “He’s not going to tell you. He said he’d rather die first.”

MOBILE Gov. Bob Riley’s new commander of his antigambling task force received large contributions in 2006 from political action committees that were funded by gambling interests, the Press-Register reported Wednesday. The newspaper cited campaign

Missouri gambling regulators vote to close aging St. Louis casino - News-Leader.com
Jefferson City — Missouri gambling regulators voted Wednesday to close an aging St. Louis riverboat casino, claiming the owners have intentionally slowed gambling and thus limited state revenue. The Missouri Gaming Commission voted 4-0 to revoke the

Miros aw Drzewiecki is set to be interrogated about the gambling - Warsaw Business Journal
It is certain that many Civic Platform (PO) politicians are worried about what former Sports and Tourism Minister Miros aw Drzewiecki will say before the commission investigating last year’s gambling scandal. “Drzewiecki’s statements could set off a

“If a man who cannot count finds a four-leaf clover, is he lucky?” - Stanislaw J. Lec “Men of action are favored by the Goddess of luck.” - George S. Clason

“I want you to help me stop my son gambling,” an anxious father said to his boy’s principal. “I don’t know where he gets it from but it’s bet, bet, bet.”

“Leave it to me,” said the principal. A week later he phoned the boy’s father. “I think I’ve cured him,” he said.

“How?”

“Well, I saw him looking at my beard and he said, ‘I bet that’s a false beard.’

“How much?” I said, and he said “$5 “

“What happened?” asked the father.

“Well, he tugged my beard, which is quite natural, and I made him give me $5. I’m sure that’ll teach him a lesson.”

“No, it won’t,” said the father. “He bet me $10 this morning that he’d pull your beard with your permission by the end of the week!”

2 horrible officiated NFL games, which were both decided by the corrupt refs, who no doubt were gambling on the games. First I’m sure the league wanted this superbowl matchup, Manning vs his dads old team, etc Second, some of the calls were so

Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.
- Doug Larson

What’s the difference between praying in church and praying in a casino?

In a casino, you really mean it!

In the fall, television ads began urging Alabamians to come to Mississippi “where real players play.” They weren’t talking about football. The ads were for Pearl River Resort, just across the Alabama state line near Philadelphia, Miss. They

Online gambling can be fast lane to addiction for many teens - New York Daily News
Articles Swine flu program hogged city’s $31M Miraculous rescues of quake victims in Haiti are due to a variety of factors Kids’ cereals still packed with sugar, despite companies’ pledge to market healthy products Cutting a sprinkle of salt from

Iowa House leader sees $25M gambling expansion - Charleston Daily Mail
JOHNSTON, Iowa (AP) - House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy predicted Friday that the Legislature will approve a roughly $25 million expansion of the state’s gambling industry as part of a “limited” debate on gambling this year. A key component of the

Everett man accused of gambling charges - Everett Herald
An Everett man who worked at a casino was jailed Thursday on charges he ran an illegal book-making scheme. The man allegedly ran the scheme from a poker table at the Club Casino on SE Everett Mall Way, according to a search warrant affidavit filed by

“Gambling is the future on the internet. You can only look at so many dirty pictures.” - Simon Noble, an Austrian-based internet bookmaker

“I don’t get it grandma. If you’re not a card player, then why did dad say you’re not dealing with a full deck of cards?”

A record number of Wisconsin residents sought help for gambling through the state’s Problem Gambling Helpline in 2009. The help line, which is operated by the Wisconsin Council on Problem Gambling, received 14,604 calls last year, an increase of 12.8

Four held for gambling and robbery - Hindu
Coimbatore: The Coimbatore Rural Police have arrested four persons on charges of assaulting and robbing a victim of Rs 22,000 cash at a secluded place used for gambling at Myleripalayam in Chettipalayam area. According to police, M. Krishnan (49) of

Ministers fellowship sends anti-gambling message to leaders - Prattville Progress
A recently released resolution from the Prattville Christian Ministers Fellowship, which is a cooperative group of several area churches, took a stand against gambling in Alabama by stating, among other things, that the vice is immoral and negatively

Noting his mother’s visit to Las Vegas the weekend before she died. “She got to go to heaven four days early.” - President Bill Clinton